Day 65

Numbers 13-14 | John 6:1-21 | Psalm 28

“If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness!” (Numbers 14:2)

They had seen the Red Sea split in two. They had eaten bread that fell from the sky. They had followed a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day.

But at the first sign of hardship, they wanted to go back.

Back to slavery.

Back to suffering.

Because somehow, that felt easier than trusting God for what was ahead.

And I get that.

Tempted to Wish for Less

I’ve had thoughts like this over the past few months.

I’ve never wished for Egypt. But I have wished the injury had been cleaner.

Maybe if the saw had taken my fingers completely, the pain wouldn’t have lasted this long.

The therapy wouldn’t be this difficult.

The recovery wouldn’t feel never-ending.

The two surgeries to come wouldn’t have to come at all.

And my looming layoff? Maybe it would be easier if the decision had already been made. If I already knew when my position would be eliminated. If I didn’t have to wake up every morning wondering whether today is the day the axe will fall.

Because waiting is exhausting.

Healing is painful.

Walking into the unknown is terrifying.

And sometimes, the hardest thing to do is trust that God is leading you somewhere good—when you can’t see past the giants in front of you.

Fixing My Eyes on the Wrong Thing

Numbers 13-14 shows a stark contrast.

The ten spies who came back afraid said this:

“We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.” (Numbers 13:33, NIV)

But Caleb and Joshua?

“The Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them.” (Numbers 14:9, NIV)

They were all looking at the same land. But ten saw giants while two saw God.

And that’s the choice in front of me too.

I can fixate on my limitations. On what I’ve lost. On the challenges ahead.

Or I can fix my eyes on the God who never fails.

Stepping Into the Storm

Like the Israelites at the edge of the Promised Land, the disciples in John 6 were caught between fear and faith—staring into the storm, unsure of what was ahead.

The sea was rough. The wind was strong. And Jesus hadn’t arrived yet.

Then, in the middle of the waves, He came to them—walking on the water.

And their response?

Terror.

But then they heard His voice:

“It is I; do not be afraid.” (John 6:20)

And when they let Him into the boat, they immediately reached the shore.

Faith That Moves Forward

The Israelites saw the giants and forgot God’s power.

The disciples felt the storm and forgot the One who sent them into it.

And I have the same choice in front of me.

I can sit in my fear, longing for an easier road.

Or I can step forward, trusting that the same God who split the Red Sea will make a way for me too.

Because His faithfulness doesn’t expire.

His provision doesn’t run out.

And His presence doesn’t fade.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me.” (Psalm 28:7, NIV)

So today, I choose trust.

I choose to believe that healing has a purpose.

That waiting is not wasted.

That the unknown is just a place where God is already at work.

I won’t wish for Egypt.

I won’t let fear shrink my faith.

I won’t let uncertainty steal my obedience.

I will step into the storm, eyes fixed on the One who walks on water.

Lord, I don’t want to look back. I don’t want to wish for an easier way. I want to trust You—for healing, for provision, for whatever lies ahead. Give me the strength to step forward in faith, knowing You are already there. Amen.